David Euresti

The Birthday Present

So as I was telling you...Egbert, you were with me that day right?

- Yes I was.

So anyway we decided that it might be fun to wish you a Happy Birthday in a special way. What better way than to sneak into your house and move all your furniture around.

- I know it sounds strange but we thought it would be funny.

Yeah so we started moving the furniture. First a table then the lamp then another table then...You tell it Egbert.

- Well the fishbowl just fell.

Crash! And the poor fish was just jumping all over the place trying to breath. So I grabbed it and asked Egbert what to do.

- I told him that I had heard that to keep a fish from going dry you should stick in your mouth.

I considered it for a second but then seeing the poor little guy there in agony stuck it in my mouth.

- It turns out, I asked my mom, that I was talking about contact lenses. Call me stupid. I'm sorry it's an easy mistake to make.

Yeah when you're an idiot. So we went into the kitchen, I with a fish in my mouth squirming all over the place. Egbert grabbed a glass from the cupboard.

-Actually it took me a while, your kitchen isn't very well organized. In my house we organize our cupboards in Alphabetical order.

So that's the silly arrangement? No wonder I can never find anything in your kitchen.

-Hey it works.

Anyway he filled the glass with water but I told him, with a fish in my mouth, that he should use water from the fridge because I heard that that's better for the fish.

-I served the glass and he opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He had swallowed the fish.

I didn't swallow anything. The little guy just went down by himself. But I knew how to save him. I drank the glass of water because the fish needed to drink it.

-I told him that he should try and force it out. He should vomit. He asked how. I told him that I heads if you used a Banana it would make you throw up.

But you didn't have any Bananas so we started leaving. Then I told Egbert that we couldn't leave the place like this. We finished rearranging the furniture as we had originally planned.

-It was quite a funny arrangement because one of your couches was in front of the piano. It make me laugh just thinking about it.

So after rearranging the furniture we left your house. We walked to the market to buy a banana. That's when met with you right Roberta?

"Yes. I saw him holding his stomach. I asked what was going on and they told me the whole story. Then I remembered that you don't need a banana to throw up. I told him he just needed a finger."

I asked her how I was going to eat the finger. She told me that I just had to stick in my mouth far back and I would throw up.

"Yeah but you were afraid of doing that so I did it for him you see. I stuck my finger in as far back as it would go."

He wouldn't throw up.

"That's right there was nothing not even a wheeze. It seemed he actually enjoyed having my finger in his mouth."

Well wouldn't you?

"I told them that he should have his stomach pumped. They asked where and I pointed to the Hospital. I had to leave but I wasn't gonna leave this pair of idiots alone."

So we walked to the hospital and entered Emergency. They made us fill out a form and I wrote down : Swallowed a fish. The nurse looked at me funny and asked what happened.

"I interrupted and told he nurse that all he wanted was a stomach pump to get the fish out alive."

- Can you believe the lady laughed in our faces? She told us that the fish died the moment it entered his mouth.

I couldn't believe it. We had killed your fish. The lady gave me some Certs for the fishy aftertaste.

- That's funny. Did you think of that?

No that's what the nurse told me when she gave me the Certs. Anyway I decided that we should try and replace the fish before you found out. Unfortunately none of us knew what kind of fish it was. We went back to your house and went through your photo albums. I thought you would have a picture of him, after all he is your pet.

-We found none but you were one cute baby. Anyway we went to the pet store to see if we recognized you fish.

I said it was blue but Egbert here claimed it was green.

"I never saw the fish so I couldn't say"

So I looked through all the fish and finally I found one that looked a lot like it. Egbert however found what he thought to be the fish. We bought a fishbowl and bought both fish.

-We bought a greeting card and wrote, "We bought you a fish."

"That was my idea. I thought that if one was your fish the other had to be the gift. So we returned to your house and put the fishbowl on the table with the note."

I was thirsty and stepped into the kitchen. The rest waited in your living room. Suddenly I heard Roberta screaming.

"I don't know, the fish started circling each other and jumping on each other. They were hitting the sides of the bowl."

- I took the food and threw it on them. Suddenly one of the fish jumped up from the fishbowl and hit me right here on the cheek.

"That did not happen. I slapped you because you bought tow male fighting fish."

So we left and decided to let the fish battle it out.

- I stayed behind. I wanted to see the fish fight.

"So we were talking about what to get you and I thought we could get you a cat."

Of course we first went to a movie. I wasn't gonna miss this chance to go out on a date with Roberta.

"Hey! Anyway we went to the cat pound and started looking for cars.

I started sneezing like a mad man. Turns out I'm allergic to cats. My skin started getting this horrible rash.

"We went to the hospital. From there I called your house"

I didn't know if I should answer. I didn't know if it was for me but I picked it up anyway. I told them that both fish were dead because they were lying on the top upside down. She told me to flush them.

"I told him we were at the hospital and he asked what kind of gift we were getting. I told him about the itching and scratching"

While they were putting on the calamine lotion I got the perfect idea for a gift. So here it is.

-You'll never guess what it is.

Why the long face? You don't like it? Hey! The box is empty! What happened to the gift?

"That's another story."