David Euresti

September 27, 1999

The Exam

Man I’m tired. I really shouldn’t have spent all day yesterday playing Civilization. Oh but it was a good game. I really nuked those Germans. Ah I love this English class. I never have to do anything in it. Huh? The teacher is handing us something. Probably another one of those stupid essays she always wants us to read. But I’m way better than that. Reading. Blah that’s for wussies. In this world, one has to rely on brains to get through. None of this reading crap. Time should be spent solving puzzles. Doing math problems. Who cares what Hamlet did or who killed whom in 1812? It’s all made up anyway. If they can make it up I can make it up too. Hmm. Here’s the sheet. Oh a test. Blah. Easy. It’s all logical anyway. All stories are the same. Boy meets girl, parents don’t agree, children kill themselves. Nothing important. Let’s see: Macbeth. I think Shakespeare wrote that. Question 1. What part did the witches play in Macbeth? Oh so it has witches. Let’s see witches implies that there must have been spells. But let’s read all the questions and maybe I can get a feel for it. Question 2. Define Equivocation. Oh that’s easy. I know my Spanish. It means a mistake. You see it’s all logic. All these tests are a piece of cake. These English teachers can never come up with anything challenging. They’re not like my math or Physics teachers. They know how to challenge me. Question 3. Why does Lady Macbeth… Lady Macbeth? Oh they must mean Macbeth and of course her title would be lady. Why does Lady Macbeth say “Come spirits who tend on mortal thoughts unsex me here.”? What kind of book is this? Why would anyone say that? Hmm let me think on this one. What? I’m actually thinking? No, this is an English test. One doesn’t think. One just talks and makes silly comments. That’s right. I’ll just write a silly comment. Because she’s not getting any. There I’m sure the teacher will laugh. Question 4. Describe in detail Macbeth’s tragic flaws. Oh so it’s a tragedy. Ok so if I remember my rules right people always die on tragedies. Let’s see she probably wants a couple of sentences here. Macbeth has a lot of tragic flaws. First of all she has a complex about her virginity. Hmmm. Will come back to this one later. Question 5. Analyze Macbeth’s soliloquy. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and tomorrow. You’d figure one tomorrow would be enough. Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Man this soliqui or whatever you call it is really creepy. Out out brief candle, life’s but a walking shadow a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and is heard no more. I don’t care let’s just write something. Macbeth is scared that the witches are gonna come after her tomorrow so she’s turning off the candle so that the witches can’t see her. And she’s gonna make noise for an hour and then stop. Man I really should’ve read this. It’s actually quite complicated. And looking around it even looks like those who read it are having a hard time with it too. Maybe being smart doesn’t cut it in this class? No that can’t be. I can figure more out. Let’s see. Question 1. Witches. Ah yes. The witches put a spell on Macbeth that she won’t be able to have children. Yeah it goes with the unsex me line. Maybe Macbeth asked for it. Question 4. Tragic flaws. Low self esteem. Of course everyone in the 15th Century had low self-esteem. Mathematics hadn’t fully been developed by that time. Or was that 16th Century? Oh dear how can I not know this? This should be easy piece of cake stuff. It probably does pay to read the book. It actually sounds like an interesting story. I mean it’s not like I know what’s going on but the words look pretty. But is it fair that just because I didn’t read I couldn’t do this test? I never read for math or science and I can do any test. I just figure it out on the spot. But it’s always worked in the past!!! How can it be? Can my brain really not help me this time? Can I copy off of that kid? No! It’s not like me to cheat. I should just suck it up and get my F on this and go home and read Macbeth. Maybe the teacher will be nice and let me take it again. Let me write her a note. Dear Miss Cane, As you can plainly see from my sad attempt at answering this test, I did not read Macbeth. I think that I deserve a zero on this exam, however if you have a bigger heart than me and could offer me a second chance to read the book and take the test again, that would be well accepted too. I hope this doesn’t lessen your opinion of me. This test has taught me that I cannot rely on my brains to get me through life. I promise to actually do work in your class from now on and you will see that I shall become a better student. Your ex-smart student, Alyx Chase.